


Mercy Killing

by missegareth



Category: Original Work
Genre: Death, F/M, Insanity, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 03:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11394516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missegareth/pseuds/missegareth
Summary: Mercy killing,Thyren had said when he was sixteen.Something you do when it’s cruel to let them live.In other words, Kyrean who lost his girlfriend and best friend around same times, starts contemplating his own death.





	Mercy Killing

♫ -   Let Me Die - Abel Korzeniowski

 

You are strapped on a bed, the thick leather straps around your wrists and ankles hurt you a little bit, but you just give the nurses dead glances. That’s all.

Not that you can’t escape from that bed and that hospital if you want to. Oh, you can. You can stretch your wings, and stand up proud and strong, look at the sunrise. 

Oh… But you _really_ can’t escape, when the asylum is your own mind.

You would laugh if someone said this sentence to you.

*

 

The nurses, and the doctors, they know nothing about you. Nothing but the fact that you’re the adopted son of some reclusive rich guy, and all they have to do is keeping you alive and healthy. _Healthy_ is not an option, you are one hundred percent sure of it. Healthy sounds like an adjective that does not exist in your vocabulary anymore. All you have is sadness and death, and they are very good company. Not sadness, of course. But death is your most frequent visitor.

And you see the pitying, suffering blue eyes every time he comes and visits you. Just one look is enough, and then you turn your head towards the dirty window. He speaks to you, telling you stories of good things outside, like the Summer Solstice Festival, or the some celebration in Lanenketer, and… It fades out. You don’t remember anything else, because someone along the way you remember something that reminds you of _them._ Two deaths which were your fault. Completely. If only this and that happened and _you could stopped it…_  

“Why there are these dark circles around your eyes?” Your blonde guest asks you once, rather angrily. His fingers are going through your hair. “They can’t take care of you well, can they?”

You don’t reply, and don’t look at him. Instead, you only inhale, exhale, and blink. You _know_ what he is talking about, they showed you a mirror once, the doctor told bunch of stuff about how you needed to sleep and eat… 

“Let me die already,” you mumbled, still gazing at the mirror. “Who says I want to live anymore?” 

Of course, they didn’t leave you alone. They don’t. They _can’t._ Money is sweet, and Gerard can be scary sometimes if he wants to. You are sure that he was scary when you were first admitted there.  

Sometimes it’s Juventas who visits you - you don’t say anything but you enjoy her visits more. The Goddess of Intelligence usually leaves the room teary eyes, after trying to read your mind and understand the depths of your misery, but she never gives up. You tell Gerard to kill you every time he gets there, but with Juventas - no. You can’t take the risk of upsetting her, if there’s one innocent party here, it’s her. 

There’s something near your collarbone, an IV they called it once. They almost force feed your body, since you refuse to eat anything. _Just drop it,_ you want to say. _Just let me die._

_Mercy killing,_ Thyren had said when he was sixteen. _Something you do when it’s cruel to let them live._

You laughed it off, because yeah, killing someone so they wouldn’t suffer was _something,_ but it was never the mercy. It was the pity, and the disgust that you had for seeing them suffering.  

And _now_ you realise that he was right. He was _always_ right about many things - and the sad fact is, you never listened to him really.

*

 

“ _So this is what being dead feels like.”_ You try to shake your head to ignore the voice, but it doesn’t go away. “ _You can’t get rid of your ghosts, Kyrean, you know that.”_

“What do you want from me, then?” You think, closing your eyes. “You paid your daily visit, get out.”

_“So you really think that I can get out. I can go anywhere, huh? I am dead, in case you missed the news - but hey, how can you? You’re the one who didn’t let them bring me back.”_

You open your eyes slowly, and stare at your ghost’s blue eyes. The line around his neck is much visible than the last time you saw him, his lips are bluer, and his skin was much paler. He smiles at you with his now dead face, and leans in to talk with his usual playful tone:

_“You said it wouldn’t hurt. But i_ _t hurt, Kyrean. It hurt a lot.”_

“What do you want from me?” You only whisper, because there’s no power left in you to scream. 

_“Let me think, Einesser. Let me think… I just want a friend. It’s so lonely down there, no souls to talk to-“_

“Maddy-“

_“I don’t want her. I want you.”_

“I _want_ to be there, I swear-“

_“But you’re here. You’re here because someone takes care of you. Someone loves you. Someone loved me, too, once… I left him alone, all alone… Couldn’t even say goodbye. Can you imagine how much that hurts?”_

_“Oh no, he can’t… He can’t. If he could, he wouldn’t let_ me _die, too.”_

A female voice joins, this time. 

“ _You know, I now realise our common point, Hyiressen. We both loved him.”_

You slowly turn your head, repeating over and over that this isn’t real, this possibly can’t be real, but it’s also so real that you want to scratch your own skin to bleed until you die.

_“Then we got killed,”_ Hyiressen continues. “ _I see your point. And in both cases, he didn’t bring us back even though he could have.”_

“I couldn’t,” you whimper. “I _wanted to_ but I couldn’t-“ 

_“Stop lying,”_ she dismisses your pathetic excuse with a wave of her hand. “ _You didn’t even attend our funerals.”_

_“In my case,”_ he adds. “ _He even stopped those who could’ve save me. Mmm… So loyal to his friends…”_

“You always wanted to die,” you mumble.

_“Not this time… I was happy, I was finally accepted, I finally found myself a home… You didn’t even listen to me when I told you about my fear. I had wanted that since I was sixteen, right?”_

“Thyren-“ your voice is so weak that you stop talking.

_“What about me, lover?”_ She asks. “ _What about me, and our child? The one you kept as a secret, safe from everyone. Whom you were hiding it from? The gods already knew. You didn’t even tell it to your best friend-“_

“I was afraid-“

_“You were always afraid of things,”_ she waves her hand again. “ _You are afraid, even now, of dying. Thought it would be easier, since, you know, you’re the death.”_

“ _I want to die…_ ”

_“But do you do something for it?”_ Thyren asks, opening his arms. “ _Look at me, and tell me that you are working for it… Like I did.”_

You see the woman walking to him, grabbing one of his arms and running her finger along the traces of lines. Your stare means nothing to them, they just whisper some words that you can’t hear or understand. Consolation, maybe? A consolation that you don’t deserve? 

You would get up and jump out of the window if you could. But you have no power, neither on your body nor on your ghosts.

*

 

_“Mercy killing,”_ you say to Gerard once he is back and the ghosts are gone. “Such a noble thing to do.”

He watches you carefully, too carefully in fact. You close your eyes, and hear the laughter of a morning star. _“Tell him,”_ she whispers. _“Tell him about us, or are you too afraid?”_

“I saw them…” You obey her order. “ _Those that died because of me.”_

“Who are they?” He asks.

“Thyren,” you start, and before you can say her name your voice cracks. He looks at you encouragingly, although you’re sure that he knows the other person, you still say it with a whisper: _“And Isthar.”_ You sound like your throat is sore. 

“You saw them,” he repeats. “And what do they do?”

“Ask me to join them,” you almost laugh. _“And_ I want it, Gerard, I don’t want to  be alive anymore, to breathe, to live, because they died and I can’t be alive… Not while it was all because of me-“

“It wasn’t-“

“It was, and it is, can’t you see? I shouldn’t have been alive, I shouldn’t have been here. Do it,” you are literally pleading now, and you hear Thyren’s laughter in your ears. “ _Do it,”_ now it’s a whisper. _“Save me.”_ Painfully true.

“I can’t,” he says, desperately. “I can’t… I can’t watch you die-“

“But you can watch me go insane, second by second? Have you no mercy, Gerard-“

“Kyrean-“

“No, this time you will listen,” it comes with a strength that you thought you don’t have. “I want to be in peace. Do it.”

And he nods. “Close your eyes.”

You do what he says, and it ends there.

No memory of anything afterwards, only the peace and the calmness… You hear the waves in a shore, so familiar yet so strange, but you don’t say anything. It’s over, and you know it.  

And maybe, you can be happy in the after life.

 


End file.
